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Archive for August, 2012

Since writing my last post, on a very bad day feeling down, sad, hopeless and angry, I have visited a Chinese infertility specialist in London. (Dr.Lily) She was recommended to me by a friend, and I thought why not, I could always go and see what she has to say. And I am surprised of the path that I have now taken. I feel that this is only the very beginning, but I can already feel there is a shift on my thinking, hopes, and feelings. Of course part of me has been a little bit skeptical, but bigger part of me believes that the Chinese Medicine has thousands of years of experience, and they might know so much more than we do here in the west.

Chinese Herbs:

Picture from: http://www.deepesthealth.com/explore-herbs/

On her recommendation I am now reading a book called “Traditional Chinese Medicine for Women” by Xiaolan Zhao, and it has made me evaluate my feelings and thoughts regarding getting pregnant. I am now starting to realize that I have been angry for a long time now, for not getting pregnant. Angry, disappointed and sad. Angry to my body that it has betrayed me, angry to my husband that he hasn’t stopped smoking, angry to everyone else who has been able to conceive so easily, and angry because I had a miscarriage. These feelings are no doubt normal, but I am just starting to realize that I have to deal with all the negative feelings, and to forgive myself and others, to be able to let go of those feelings and heal. This is one the biggest teachings of the book and the Chinese medicine. I am starting to understand that more than the herbs or acupuncture (even though important as well) more important is the way I deal with my emotions. Not an easy task but being conscious of these feelings is the beginning of my path to heal and hopefully later to a healthy pregnancy.

I was prescribed Chinese herbs, as well as my husband, and I am seeing her again in one months time. I find myself feeling better, because I feel like I am doing something, and I feel like I have taken a path that will lead me somewhere where I want to be. I hope this path will take me there.

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